I AM PREGNANT!
As I got up from my bed, I realised that I had been counting the number of times I had urinated within the space of 3 hours.
"This is the twelfth time," I said to myself.
"I am not diabetic, and cannot be. It is not in God's plan for me." I reassured myself.
"This is the twelfth time," I said to myself.
"I am not diabetic, and cannot be. It is not in God's plan for me." I reassured myself.
I was still pondering trying to know what's amiss when a thought flew into my mind.
"Nooo." I deliberately drawled, "it can't be."
This would be a disaster and an unpleasant news. The thought continued and I noticed some changes in my bodily features.
"Ah! Jesugbami(Jesus collect me)! Morogo(I see glory, lol)!" I exclaimed in utter unbelief.
"I am pregnant."
What would I do, how would I explain this despite my being an Ambassador for Purity? Then another thought told me to confirm first. It was then I remembered that I had a pregnancy strip in my room.
Few weeks back, we had a medical seminar in church, I was a volunteer medical personnel for that day. Someone had asked for the symptoms of early pregnancy; the gynaecologist took her time to explain.
I was only able to catch few and photographed them to my brain. I remembered she said "spotting and
cramping, breast change, fatigue, constant urination, nausea (morning sickness) and missed period." I wasn't able to grasp the rest because I had to attend to the people. It was in the course of this that she taught us how to use the strip. At the end of the seminar, I helped in packing her medical kits.
She was close to the exit when I saw a pack of Pregnancy strip on the floor. Quickly, I ran to her.
"Ma'am, I forgot to pack this, I'm sorry." I said.
"It's alright; it could come handy. Please keep it for yourself." She replied.
"Handy?" I asked, rolling my eyes simultaneously.
She just smiled at me like I was a child who knew nothing and said " not necessarily for you."
With that, I appreciated her and returned to pick my bag. I dropped it in that bag since that day.
"Nooo." I deliberately drawled, "it can't be."
This would be a disaster and an unpleasant news. The thought continued and I noticed some changes in my bodily features.
"Ah! Jesugbami(Jesus collect me)! Morogo(I see glory, lol)!" I exclaimed in utter unbelief.
"I am pregnant."
What would I do, how would I explain this despite my being an Ambassador for Purity? Then another thought told me to confirm first. It was then I remembered that I had a pregnancy strip in my room.
Few weeks back, we had a medical seminar in church, I was a volunteer medical personnel for that day. Someone had asked for the symptoms of early pregnancy; the gynaecologist took her time to explain.
I was only able to catch few and photographed them to my brain. I remembered she said "spotting and
cramping, breast change, fatigue, constant urination, nausea (morning sickness) and missed period." I wasn't able to grasp the rest because I had to attend to the people. It was in the course of this that she taught us how to use the strip. At the end of the seminar, I helped in packing her medical kits.
She was close to the exit when I saw a pack of Pregnancy strip on the floor. Quickly, I ran to her.
"Ma'am, I forgot to pack this, I'm sorry." I said.
"It's alright; it could come handy. Please keep it for yourself." She replied.
"Handy?" I asked, rolling my eyes simultaneously.
She just smiled at me like I was a child who knew nothing and said " not necessarily for you."
With that, I appreciated her and returned to pick my bag. I dropped it in that bag since that day.
Immediately, I darted off to where I kept the bag. Coincidentally, I didn't use the bag since then. Prayerfully, I opened the pack and picked one of the strips. As I was about to use it, I prayed using Jeremiah 32:17:
"Ah Lord GOD! behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, and there is nothing too hard for thee."
I told God to please remove the unconfirmed baby or not make it true. I'm sure God must have yinmu(twitching of His nose) at my prayer.
With assumed faith, I went into the toilet and urinated so well on the strip. It was really soaked.
And I'm sure if the strip were to talk, it will never have said something nice about me. I didn't care anyway.
"Sha don't come out positive" I said to myself.
And I'm sure if the strip were to talk, it will never have said something nice about me. I didn't care anyway.
"Sha don't come out positive" I said again to myself.
Few minutes later, I checked it. Lo! I am pregnant. Ah!
"Ah! I am pregnant!" I loudly exclaimed. I tried keeping my voice low because it was still much early.
About 5 minutes later, I heard a knock on my door. I tried wondering who it was.
"Come in." I said.
And in came my mother.
"What's wrong with you?" "Why are you awake so soon?" She knew I was not too much an early riser except I had to pray. I could only hope she didn't hear me when I exclaimed the other time.
"Nothing mother." I quickly responded.
"No you're not." She said immediately. We all knew mother not to be a diplomat. According to her, "a spade is a spade and not a shovel."
"You're pregnant." She said blankly. She asked how it happened, and I opened up to her that I was still a virgin, never visited any male friend and didn't entertain any. She further asked how I knew. Then I told her about the strip. Mother's response was blunt as usual.
She said what the Bible made her understood was that there's a second coming of Jesus, and not the second coming of Mary.
"Lobatan (it is finished)," I said loudly.
She however assured me of being there and left with an unexplained look on her face. With my head in between my hands, I sat on the bed and wept. According to my mother, someone was surely responsible. Who it was I couldn't fathom. In the midst of my confusion, I screamed out.
*********
Then I woke up with a shout drenched in my sweat in a cold season. First thing I did was gave thanks that it was a dream. Suddenly, my parents barged into my room.
"Funmi, are you alright?" "It's just 3am." My Father said.
Then I narrated my dream to them. As I did, my parents busted into rounds of laughter. I was trying to figure out their reasons when mum reminded me of the party we all attended yesterday. There was a drinking competition, and I had emerged the winner drinking 4 litres of water out of 5 litres. I was enjoying my sleep after constant urinating. My brain got the cue and decided playing a trick on me. With that explanation, my parents left for their room laughing. I went to urinate and gave God thanks for the previous day and present day.
"Ah Lord GOD! behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, and there is nothing too hard for thee."
I told God to please remove the unconfirmed baby or not make it true. I'm sure God must have yinmu(twitching of His nose) at my prayer.
With assumed faith, I went into the toilet and urinated so well on the strip. It was really soaked.
And I'm sure if the strip were to talk, it will never have said something nice about me. I didn't care anyway.
"Sha don't come out positive" I said to myself.
And I'm sure if the strip were to talk, it will never have said something nice about me. I didn't care anyway.
"Sha don't come out positive" I said again to myself.
Few minutes later, I checked it. Lo! I am pregnant. Ah!
"Ah! I am pregnant!" I loudly exclaimed. I tried keeping my voice low because it was still much early.
About 5 minutes later, I heard a knock on my door. I tried wondering who it was.
"Come in." I said.
And in came my mother.
"What's wrong with you?" "Why are you awake so soon?" She knew I was not too much an early riser except I had to pray. I could only hope she didn't hear me when I exclaimed the other time.
"Nothing mother." I quickly responded.
"No you're not." She said immediately. We all knew mother not to be a diplomat. According to her, "a spade is a spade and not a shovel."
"You're pregnant." She said blankly. She asked how it happened, and I opened up to her that I was still a virgin, never visited any male friend and didn't entertain any. She further asked how I knew. Then I told her about the strip. Mother's response was blunt as usual.
She said what the Bible made her understood was that there's a second coming of Jesus, and not the second coming of Mary.
"Lobatan (it is finished)," I said loudly.
She however assured me of being there and left with an unexplained look on her face. With my head in between my hands, I sat on the bed and wept. According to my mother, someone was surely responsible. Who it was I couldn't fathom. In the midst of my confusion, I screamed out.
*********
Then I woke up with a shout drenched in my sweat in a cold season. First thing I did was gave thanks that it was a dream. Suddenly, my parents barged into my room.
"Funmi, are you alright?" "It's just 3am." My Father said.
Then I narrated my dream to them. As I did, my parents busted into rounds of laughter. I was trying to figure out their reasons when mum reminded me of the party we all attended yesterday. There was a drinking competition, and I had emerged the winner drinking 4 litres of water out of 5 litres. I was enjoying my sleep after constant urinating. My brain got the cue and decided playing a trick on me. With that explanation, my parents left for their room laughing. I went to urinate and gave God thanks for the previous day and present day.
******
There's time for everything under heaven.
Moderation in whatever we do to ourselves gives God pleasure.
Our body is God's temple, the Holy Ghost resides therein.
There's time for everything under heaven.
Moderation in whatever we do to ourselves gives God pleasure.
Our body is God's temple, the Holy Ghost resides therein.
©Busolami, 2017.
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